“Working on the ic is so beautiful because there you encounter life in its purest form. It seems to stand still for a moment; the fragile line between hope and fear.” Ivon Hogendoorn is a senior nurse in the intensive care unit (ICU) at UMC Utrecht, and the patient she does not forget is that young woman with a brain hemorrhage.
“One afternoon in October, about five years ago, she was brought in to us. I remember her well, precisely because she was just a little older than myself. She had collapsed that day as a spectator, at her children’s sports field. Just like that. Yes, she had been suffering from a headache for a few days, but who doesn’t have that sometimes? It turned out to be a brain hemorrhage. She was in a coma.
She did not regain consciousness. Soon the brain video showed no more signals; she was brain dead. I can still see before me how first her husband came and moments later her still young children were brought. Crying, screaming, despair. After a few hours we decided to stop treatment. There was nothing more we could do medically. The care of the family continues. Although I always feel inadequate at such a great and unexpected loss. You can be there for them and let them know that every emotion is okay, that they are allowed to let go.
We go through intense situations here more often. At the same time, I also know: if we can’t help patients here, they can’t help anywhere. And you learn to accept that death is part of life. It makes you realize that you are alive. That you are living now.
In the hbo-v training a teacher said that as a nurse you should try to become your own instrument. At the time, I couldn’t do anything with that. Now – fifteen years later – I understand very well what she meant. With all your knowledge and skill, you know how to act in the right way in an emergency and how to listen well in sad situations. That is what makes the profession so beautiful; that you can use different qualities of yourself.”
This woman made a big impression on me because she was in the middle of life, and did not look sick at all. To her mind, she was in perfect health. That made it very clear to me at the time: it could be over just like that. Don’t put anything off, live now. That’s when I decided to make the trip around the world that I had wanted for so long.